9/8/09 11:50 pm
I think, I'm falling for someone that I really shouldn't be falling for.
A year ago, I said to myself and the people around me who cared, "I will concentrate on my studies. No more love for me until I've had my share of fun, until I learn to love myself for being who I am." I've hurt friends (okay maybe just one friend) while I said that, and people laughed at me for saying that because it seemed like the most incredulous thing that came out of someone who hasn't been single for the past three years.
I was determined to prove all these people wrong, determined to have the last laugh and it was the best ten-odd months of my life. In less than a year, I spent more time with friends who've always been there for me, I've made new friends, learnt to appreciate everyone around me so much more. I also did the damnedest things I'd never before imagined myself to, laughed a lot, and I started loving myself for being who I am too.
It did seem to me that I was indeed going to have that last laugh, that I can finally prove all the people who laughed at me wrong, until I met him. It was definitely not love at first sight, I'm sure. I don't even remember him leaving any strong first impression on me (and I expect the same to go for him too) after our very first meeting on 18th July, 2009. I did remember him as the guy with the dope-cute dog though; it was one cute furball!
So much for our first meeting. I guess I met him once or twice more after 18th July, but there was nothing particularly memorable about the subsequent meetings. He was still nothing but a mere accquaintance.
Then school started. We bumped into each other one day at a fair and he took down my number while I thought to myself how funny he looked; shirt tucked in and all. I thought nothing much about it, or him until two nights later. I had a dream; and he was in it. In my dream, we were in a strange and foreign place. Dressed in a casual manner, we behaved in a couple-like manner; arms round waists, hand-in-hand, chuckling to ourselves for all the things that we were saying to each other as we followed a good friend around; he seemed to be showing us around the strange place we were in. We looked truly happy where we were.
I remember waking up with a smile; thinking what a sweet dream it was. And then I laughed at the incredulousness of it; I barely know this guy. And after I'd finish laughing at how ridiculous the dream was, I couldn't help but wonder: why him? And it did get me thinking about him a lot more.
Maybe he knew I'd dreamt of him. He messaged the very next day, and asked if I wanted to have dinner. Right after I started gushing to a friend about the dream, and him. Looking back, I find it quite funny how it took about three or four messages before I realized he was asking if I wanted to have dinner with him and not him telling me that he's having dinner there and then.
Things changed for me since that night. I thought of him a lot more, smiled to myself whenever I thought of him, and I'd find myself looking forward to our meetings. Unknown to many of our common friends, we made dinner plans, met up and went for jogs past midnight. We started seeing each other almost every single day; don't know about him but I'd come up with reasons to do so, but of course, I never stopped reminding myself that I shouldn't be greedy and be asking for more than what we are.
I know we didn't start off as much, but he's the best thing that's happened to me since the start of this semester, after all that love that my friends've given. For all the ups and downs that I'm going through, I know I'll feel much better just after seeing him, and doing things together. We can talk about many things under the sun, but there are also the sensitive topics that I never dare to talk to him about; topics that (in my humble opinion) may raise complications that threaten to ruin the very special bond we share.
Stupid as it sounds, I'm happy just being where we are right now. I'm not taking any more steps forward, because I'm so afraid of spoiling everything. I just realized how much of a coward I sound like, and I don't like it. Much as I like him , I'm not going to rush into love, because I think building a strong foundation as friends is so much more important.
Thank you, for coming into my life two months back so that I could have the chance to be your friend.
A year ago, I said to myself and the people around me who cared, "I will concentrate on my studies. No more love for me until I've had my share of fun, until I learn to love myself for being who I am." I've hurt friends (okay maybe just one friend) while I said that, and people laughed at me for saying that because it seemed like the most incredulous thing that came out of someone who hasn't been single for the past three years.
I was determined to prove all these people wrong, determined to have the last laugh and it was the best ten-odd months of my life. In less than a year, I spent more time with friends who've always been there for me, I've made new friends, learnt to appreciate everyone around me so much more. I also did the damnedest things I'd never before imagined myself to, laughed a lot, and I started loving myself for being who I am too.
It did seem to me that I was indeed going to have that last laugh, that I can finally prove all the people who laughed at me wrong, until I met him. It was definitely not love at first sight, I'm sure. I don't even remember him leaving any strong first impression on me (and I expect the same to go for him too) after our very first meeting on 18th July, 2009. I did remember him as the guy with the dope-cute dog though; it was one cute furball!
So much for our first meeting. I guess I met him once or twice more after 18th July, but there was nothing particularly memorable about the subsequent meetings. He was still nothing but a mere accquaintance.
Then school started. We bumped into each other one day at a fair and he took down my number while I thought to myself how funny he looked; shirt tucked in and all. I thought nothing much about it, or him until two nights later. I had a dream; and he was in it. In my dream, we were in a strange and foreign place. Dressed in a casual manner, we behaved in a couple-like manner; arms round waists, hand-in-hand, chuckling to ourselves for all the things that we were saying to each other as we followed a good friend around; he seemed to be showing us around the strange place we were in. We looked truly happy where we were.
I remember waking up with a smile; thinking what a sweet dream it was. And then I laughed at the incredulousness of it; I barely know this guy. And after I'd finish laughing at how ridiculous the dream was, I couldn't help but wonder: why him? And it did get me thinking about him a lot more.
Maybe he knew I'd dreamt of him. He messaged the very next day, and asked if I wanted to have dinner. Right after I started gushing to a friend about the dream, and him. Looking back, I find it quite funny how it took about three or four messages before I realized he was asking if I wanted to have dinner with him and not him telling me that he's having dinner there and then.
Things changed for me since that night. I thought of him a lot more, smiled to myself whenever I thought of him, and I'd find myself looking forward to our meetings. Unknown to many of our common friends, we made dinner plans, met up and went for jogs past midnight. We started seeing each other almost every single day; don't know about him but I'd come up with reasons to do so, but of course, I never stopped reminding myself that I shouldn't be greedy and be asking for more than what we are.
I know we didn't start off as much, but he's the best thing that's happened to me since the start of this semester, after all that love that my friends've given. For all the ups and downs that I'm going through, I know I'll feel much better just after seeing him, and doing things together. We can talk about many things under the sun, but there are also the sensitive topics that I never dare to talk to him about; topics that (in my humble opinion) may raise complications that threaten to ruin the very special bond we share.
Stupid as it sounds, I'm happy just being where we are right now. I'm not taking any more steps forward, because I'm so afraid of spoiling everything. I just realized how much of a coward I sound like, and I don't like it. Much as I like him , I'm not going to rush into love, because I think building a strong foundation as friends is so much more important.
Thank you, for coming into my life two months back so that I could have the chance to be your friend.
blank
calm
cheerful
exanimate
cranky
awake
bouncy
thankful
stressed
amused
satisfied
happy
tired
nerdy
guilty
distressed
dreadful
chipper